If you can't achieve immortality by not dying, you can at least achieve it by dying of something original.
Unheimlich Laboratories offer a full diagnosis and registration service, by which your current (or imminent) ailment can be archived in your name, in perpetuity.
To commence the scan, simply enter your name, press the affected or suspected body part against your monitor in the box to the right, and click "diagnose". (If in doubt, or if suffering no symptoms, use your tongue.)
http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/disease.cgi

You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
Iris' Disease.

Cause: smoking

Symptoms: squawking, mildly green saliva, low blood pressure, extreme second-degree burns

Cure: take two spoons of cod liver oil a day until it goes away



ha ha ha
aint that some shit

I'm afraid it's bad news. You are suffering from
Alicia's Syndrome.
Cause: genetically-modified noodles
Symptoms: guilt, vague tufts of hair, vague extra toes, high blood-alcohol level
Cure: psychiatry

Bad luck! You are suffering from
Belenitis.
Cause: early mornings

Symptoms: blindness, grunting, vomiting blood, flushing

Cure: drink three pints of beer a day until it goes away

Like whoa!

Bad luck! You are suffering from
Marlene's Disease.
Cause: a blow to the head

Symptoms: vague aversion to bright light, gills, grey saliva, indigestion

Cure: trepanning

:doh!: ummm....I'm not exactly sure, but yeah, that's it!

Congratulations! You are suffering from
GG's Lurgy.
Cause: excessive Internet usage

Symptoms: iris colour-changes, wheezing, smell of brimstone

Cure: eat more toothpaste

Bad luck! You are suffering from
Normies' Disease.
Cause: eating spicy food

Symptoms: leg swelling, extreme chills, extremely watery eyes, dry rot

Cure: sleep

^I wish I had your cure!