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W1ck3d_S0ul
Love it!

Joined: Apr 15 2008
Posts: 273
Location: S0mBrA'Z W0rLd

votes: 9

11934.36

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 1:53 AM Post subject: B0n!ta 3lLuC!0n

tell me what you think please honest feedback dnt be affraid that your gonna hurt ma feelings or whateva na dnt matter, it'll only help me better maself, does it suck, its no good, its aight, its eh, its good, its great, loved it what you think...? Como Dice Lil-Blacky in his song "Thinkin' Of You" Wonderin' if our crush on one another will someday become more then what we have Because I got una bonita ellucion por ti me encanta verte sonrier esa carita angelical la que me hico caer sin preguntarme why tus ojos me dicen que you want me as I want you you erasing ma number from that one fools cell phone too me haces sonrier with all the things you do no somos nada yet y ya me estas celando I think that so cute no se nada de ti I wonder if this is what people call love at first sight because I don't even know you and I wanna tell you que I think I love you and believe me when I say that's not like me at all I seen you around before your my home girls brothers best friend I wonder if he knows what it is that we both be feelin' I wonder if he'd approve thinkin' of me as his sister cuz of ma home girl you got me thinkin' in tus ojos tan hermosos tus lavios tan sensaules I cant waite to the day que me agarres y me digas que tu tambien has querido vesarlos the warm sensation of ur breath on mine the embrace of your arms around my body bring temptations to both party's pero baby im sorry that aint gonna be happenin' I'm a respectful hyna I cant defraudar a mi family so if you really want some you're gonna have to Waite till I see you put on me a wedding ring then and only then will you be gettin' some of me all of me I'm not an easy hyna and I play hard to get so if your patient and you play my game piensa en todas las cosas que juntos podemos lograr mas adelante you and me together for eternity if life after death exists then i will be lookin' for thee I feel like your ma one n only when I'm around you I don't even recognize my self I get butterflies in ma tummy algo que nunca eh sentido antes de conoser a alguen could you be the fire to my match or is this just una ellucion algo que despues pasara como todos los otros nose I'll let time decide meanwhile I'll live thinkin' bout you and me together una ellucion bonita algo que podra ser mas que day dreams cuz for your love you got me feening screening everyone else tryin' to get at me because for now I have ma sight on only one man and baby that's you it's your love that I be aiming for so cupid get an arrow or two and aim it at him make sure the arrow gots my name on it y a su corazon is where you should be aiming at no worries if you don't think you can make the arrow hit the target it's alright pass it ova i can get it I'll do your job for this one time but from then on you do what you do and make sure that me and him stick together like glue so keep them arrows commin' just make sure ma name is on it because cupid, I so dearly want him... Ang3l AKA Ana May. 27, 2008 Current Mood: _________________ .: N0Th!n !n Th!s W0rLd !s Fr33, 3v3rYtH!ng HaS !t'S Pr!c3, 3v3n Y0u N M3 ((0uR L!v3s)) :. .: Sh0uLdA' N3vA' UnDa'EsT!mAt3d HaTr3d Bu!lD!n; Got M3 S0 MaD ! WaNnA' TaK3 0uT Y0uR Ch!lDr3n ~ Mr. L!l-0n3 :. .: ((S0mBrA !s Th3 NaM3 !nSaN3 !s WhAt ! ClA!m)) :. .: Sm!l3 N0w CrY LaT3r, FuCk !t WhY CrY At AlL :.

iPedro
Omnipresent

Joined: Aug 02 2004
Posts: 8085
Location: Juarolandia

votes: 3

82246.43

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 2:11 AM Post subject:

I like the spanglish. it's longer then some... better then the 4 lines deal. hico = hizo Sounds like a girl with butterly feelings Is this your first one? I'd keep going at it... practice makes perfecto. if life after death exists then i will be lookin' for thee Check that out... hehe. Current Mood:

W1ck3d_S0ul
Love it!

Joined: Apr 15 2008
Posts: 273
Location: S0mBrA'Z W0rLd

votes: 9

11934.36

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 2:14 AM Post subject:

all ma poems are long as yea lol, and i do got lil butterflies when im around him lol and pues na it aint ma first time this poem be like ma 200 or so lol havnt kept count but i been writing since i were in 8th grade jus not every day lol, and i mostly just write things in da momment lol and that sentence was ma favorite whats wrong with it...? Current Mood: _________________ .: N0Th!n !n Th!s W0rLd !s Fr33, 3v3rYtH!ng HaS !t'S Pr!c3, 3v3n Y0u N M3 ((0uR L!v3s)) :. .: Sh0uLdA' N3vA' UnDa'EsT!mAt3d HaTr3d Bu!lD!n; Got M3 S0 MaD ! WaNnA' TaK3 0uT Y0uR Ch!lDr3n ~ Mr. L!l-0n3 :. .: ((S0mBrA !s Th3 NaM3 !nSaN3 !s WhAt ! ClA!m)) :. .: Sm!l3 N0w CrY LaT3r, FuCk !t WhY CrY At AlL :.

iPedro
Omnipresent

Joined: Aug 02 2004
Posts: 8085
Location: Juarolandia

votes: 3

82246.43

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 2:24 AM Post subject:

Orales... yeah, sounds like you have butterflies dancing around your head. lol, nothing wrong with the line. I liked it... it's dramatic-like. Current Mood:

W1ck3d_S0ul
Love it!

Joined: Apr 15 2008
Posts: 273
Location: S0mBrA'Z W0rLd

votes: 9

11934.36

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 2:33 AM Post subject:

around ma head lol, shyea con unos pocos de corazones and stars lol, and oh waite look look theres the moon too lol jus keedin lol and oh ok lol ya had me like WHAAAT! how could he not like da line thats ma fave. prt of da poem lol :( but na now that you say that gots me excited like happy like Current Mood: _________________ .: N0Th!n !n Th!s W0rLd !s Fr33, 3v3rYtH!ng HaS !t'S Pr!c3, 3v3n Y0u N M3 ((0uR L!v3s)) :. .: Sh0uLdA' N3vA' UnDa'EsT!mAt3d HaTr3d Bu!lD!n; Got M3 S0 MaD ! WaNnA' TaK3 0uT Y0uR Ch!lDr3n ~ Mr. L!l-0n3 :. .: ((S0mBrA !s Th3 NaM3 !nSaN3 !s WhAt ! ClA!m)) :. .: Sm!l3 N0w CrY LaT3r, FuCk !t WhY CrY At AlL :.

fsolis
Juarol Power

Joined: Sep 09 2007
Posts: 392

Reputation: 2

votes: 1

24641.25

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 9:30 AM Post subject:

Very nice, looks like you have some great talent for writing, now if you would only develop it. I believe someday you could become a great Chicana writer, but alas, love always seems to find a way to destroy genius! See this entry in my blog! http://www.juarol.com/sucasa/w......php?e=233 Current Mood:

chicanas3xy13
I can get used to this

Joined: Dec 05 2007
Posts: 210
Location: 3ast Coast
Reputation: 1.1

votes: 2

5878.55

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 11:39 AM Post subject:

Chales mija this is a nice poem soundz like ur hella in love...Keep it up Current Mood: _________________ x3 ALWAYZ LOOK UP N3V3R LOOK DOWN B3CAUS3 TH3R3'S ALWAYZ SOM3ON3 TH3R3 TO FC YOU OV3R L3ARN FROM TH3 PAST LIV3 IN TH3 PR3S3NT PLAN FOR TH3 FUTUR3 X3

mz_lety
I can get used to this

Joined: Feb 18 2006
Posts: 124
Location: My room
Reputation: 2.2

3062.64

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 1:22 PM Post subject:

THAT'S CUTE Current Mood:

Lonewolf
Amores Perros!

Joined: May 16 2008
Posts: 2909

Reputation: 11.4

votes: 1

14568.24

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 2:49 PM Post subject:

Good with the expressions and feeling put into it, but maybe just re-structure the line by line in a different order so that it flows easily from line to line, but hey, it has to remain your unique way, so that's just my opinion. Overall, is good, props, keep going mija. Current Mood:

Beezelbub
I can get used to this

Joined: May 16 2008
Posts: 118

Reputation: 3.9

votes: 2

1050.33

View Single Post Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 9:32 PM Post subject:

Its Ilucion Ana..."I" and no double "L" Current Mood:

W1ck3d_S0ul
Love it!

Joined: Apr 15 2008
Posts: 273
Location: S0mBrA'Z W0rLd

votes: 9

11934.36

View Single Post

Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 9:36 PM Post subject:

	fsolis dijo:
	Very nice, looks like you have some great talent for writing, now if you would only develop it. I believe someday you could become a great Chicana writer, but alas, love always seems to find a way to destroy genius! See this entry in my blog! http://www.juarol.com/sucasa/w......php?e=233

i liked the story very nice and sometimes true... [Very Happy]

and thanx foe da inquiery on ma poem preciate it, but truelly i dnt write to become a writer, or sing to become a singer i do both because its fun and its a way to get ma emmotions inside, out in the open, since i can't express maself with speech that well, i write and let ppl know how i feel by my writings but it dnt mean i can't it just simply means que i explain maself better in writing mas que en speech but yes ofcourse i know where your gettin at and thanx for da inquiery [Very Happy]

Current Mood: Loved
_________________
.: N0Th!n !n Th!s W0rLd !s Fr33, 3v3rYtH!ng HaS !t'S Pr!c3, 3v3n Y0u N M3 ((0uR L!v3s)) :.

.: Sh0uLdA' N3vA' UnDa'EsT!mAt3d HaTr3d Bu!lD!n; Got M3 S0 MaD ! WaNnA' TaK3 0uT Y0uR Ch!lDr3n ~ Mr. L!l-0n3 :.

.: ((S0mBrA !s Th3 NaM3 !nSaN3 !s WhAt ! ClA!m)) :.

.: Sm!l3 N0w CrY LaT3r, FuCk !t WhY CrY At AlL :.

W1ck3d_S0ul
Love it!

Joined: Apr 15 2008
Posts: 273
Location: S0mBrA'Z W0rLd

votes: 9

11934.36

View Single Post

Posted: Wed, May 28 2008, 9:42 PM Post subject:

	Beezelbub dijo:
	Its Ilucion Ana..."I" and no double "L"

how'd ya know ma name o.O? lol

LoneWolf: thanx for the comments and na your opnion counts thats why i posted ma poem so it can be judged thank you for your opinion [Very Happy]

its preciated

ChicanaS3xy: na not in love yet, just elucionada es all lol

and mz lety: thank you [Very Happy]

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